I love e-mail. Not because it’s a useful business tool, blah blah blah and all that garbage, but because it so often brightens the doldrums of a boring work day. When you’re sitting at your desk working on whatever project you’re assigned, e-mail can be a wonderful little gateway to the world of non-work-related shenanigans.
I’ve got three daily “e-mail buddies”, who, if you’ve read this site for a while now, you’ve met before. In no particular order, they are, Joe, Marc, and Brian. There was a time, a time I like to refer to as “The Glory Days”, when we all worked in the same office. Joe and I have worked together for nine years now, we are the senior members of the buddy group. Marc and Brian were hired as summer students in the summer of 2005 and were taken under our wing. Starting as naive, bright-eyed empty vessels eager for knowledge, we shaped and molded them into naive, bright-eyed targets for our constant mockery and ridicule. It was awesome.
Actually, Marc and Brian ended up being the first, and only, summer students we ended up keeping past their term. Brian is no longer with us. No, not dead, just not working here any more. Marc still works for our organization, but has moved to another office downtown. We’ve kept in touch since our foursome was ripped asunder – a time I refer to as “The Day The Music Died”. We sometimes play MMOs together, and we’ve since established a “not-quite-monthly” game night where we actually see each other face to face and consume all manner of sugar-based products.
It sucks that we don’t all work together any more though, because the days just aren’t as much fun. Joe and I can’t make fun of each other; we’re immune to it. If I call Joe a Farty McDouche, he just calls me one right back. With Marc and Brian though… it would have meant something, and like a brand new puppy eagerly fetching a tennis ball, they would have come back for more.
Thankfully, we still have e-mail. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that gets me through the day. I’ve created a new category of post called, oddly enough, e-mail, where I’ll post some word-for-word e-mail conversations that I find entertaining.
Below, you’ll find the latest conversation. The highlighted name is the person who sent the particular message. We always use the Reply-to-all feature so that the whole group is involved, except for the not-so-rare occasion when Marc forgets where the Reply-to-all button is and just hits Reply. I’ll post the e-mails word for word, as they were written.
The setup: we’ve received our fourth edition Dungeons and Dragons books and we’re now eagerly anticipating our start to this wonderful new nerdly adventure.
Joe: What character are you going to choose in D&D? Go…
Brian: Tiefling Warlock
Marc: We should just send the e-mail from yesterday… it would save a lot of time. Eladrin Warlord!
David: I’ll be whatever the group needs, so once Joe makes his choice, I’ll know what I’ll be.
Marc: Ruined… ruined. THERE ARE NO AUTOBOTS!!! Stop crushing our D&D dreams… you crusher of D&D dreams! *sobs*
Joe: Pretty sure an elven rogue.
David: Then I shall be a human or dwarf cleric, biatches!
Brian: Now I just need to find an appropriate miniature…
David: Check your pants.
Joe: I LoLed
Brian: As did I. I hate you David.
David: Why do you continue to set yourself up so easily?
Our conversation then got back on track for a few e-mails, and ended thusly:
Joe (after a failed joke): My humor was lost without my middle fingers being waved around as I said it.
Marc: AHAHA!! Gotta love e-mails!! Man, I miss going to lunch with you guys.
Brian: Now you know how I feel. Sad and lonely 🙁
Marc: I love you Brian.
Brian: Enough to fund my epic ground mount when I hit 60?